At school I had to write an OTT speech to persuade people to go on holiday. Obviously, to help my marks, I chose London. Here is what I wrote, it's from memory, so it might sound a bit dodgy.
'When you find out you are going on holiday, your heart leaps and you think of all the heavenly places you could be going to. Italy, America, Cyprus? But no, you're parents delivering the horrifying news that you are visiting LONDON. But London isn't as dull as it sounds! With a population of just 11 million, it is the quietest and most peaceful place in the cosmos. Dodge the bubblegum littered ground and gasp in amazement as you see an illegal dangerous animal wandering the streets. Marvel as you witness a group of uneducated yobs attack an elderly woman and then see her bleed slowly to death on the floor. Or if you prefer a more relaxing holiday, jump on the tube and hear the citizens talk of an economy falling to it's knees and the government doing nothing about it as a claustrophobic person slowly suffocates next to you. You could even witness the spectacle of the sun making an appearance in the smoke filled skies - this only happens 3 times every century, you would be silly to miss it! As our treasured customer, we will overprice the holiday so much that you don't have any money left. What could be more fun than visiting the worst city in the world?'
Obviously completely unbiased.
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